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I just picked up Dark Souls 2 Scholar of the First Sin for the PS3....

Jack Lovejoy

New Member
Hey guys, I will be posting my status and experience here like a journal log. Mostly for raising my post count, but also to share my fun times with this frame-rate dropping balls to the walls hard game.

So, here are some status updates that I should have posted during the last two days of my playthrough:

I finally got my copy of Dark Souls, but I could only buy 2, because it was the only one in the series not rated M. I decided to turn off the blood settings and also made the lighting brighter in the settings. I first start off in a land of the undead and the first thing I do was to fight the puppers in the grass. However, I had no weapons and my fists were not strong enough to take down the pupper, which then called the other doggos to attack me. I was actually terrified for the first time and tried to run away, but I fell off a cliff WITHOUT THE CAMERA SHOWING ME AS THE LEDGE WAS COVERED IN LONG GRASS. HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?! As soon as I died, there was a trophy popping up, giving me an achievement: This is Dark Souls. Man, even the game knows that it is dickish itself.

So then, I went onto other regions of this unknown dead land and came upon a house. The house was full of grannies talking about me wandering into the world of the Undead and me becoming a Hollow and they show me a Human Effigy, whatever the hell that is. I advanced into a sorcerer class to emulate my character in my game I am going to make and just went to the doorway they told me to go through. There, I was introduced to a hidden marshland dungeon where I go through mist portals and fight several rotting corpses as enemies. The enemies themselves weren't bad, but the worst enemy is the tight corners where you fall of the ledges as moving the camera can sometimes jank you out. There was one dungeon room in particular, where I had to hold the run button while pressing the analog stick too to do a jump. I F##KING HATE THIS CONTROL LAYOUT. Why cant there just be a jump button then? Why not the X button to do jumping, talking to people, or any other action like in Kingdom Hearts?

As I constantly died in this dungeon, my character started to gradually turn fugly and is balding.What's worse is that my health gets cut down until I get another one of these Effigy things that are hard to find. I eventually met a cat in Majula by the name of Shaliquor, who apparently.... flirts with me? I know for a fact that there is rule 34 of Shaliquor, I don't even want to find out. I meet with all the townspeople in Majula, but I figured out I could kill the npc's when I accidentally whacked Maughlin at the armor shop. Apparently, a message on the ground literally told me "Do it fa##ot", so I kept hitting him to see what happens. Eventually, he starts getting sick of my shit and starts to attack me. He literally scared me to death and killed me, pretty much deserved it. When I came back and went to the armor shop again, he says "Oh, its you again" and starts to attack me again. I was so frightened, but I luckily killed him with my long ranged Soul Arrows. I then went on to kill the other townspeople and got a lot of souls.

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